Life is hectic and chaotic as a schizophrenic's decision on what meal it is deciding on. In the Eight months since my last journal entry I have had a WIDE spectrum of events. I have both found and lost love, and she is possibily my greatest and worst relationship to date. Many of you here are friends in real life and already know the story, and those that don't can ask me over private message if you feel it is worth your time to know the details, both good and bad.

My job has had it's scary moments of me possibly not working there any more, and as this recent turn of events I find myself actually being the one to quit my job. By the end of this week I am going to once again be unemployed, but hey I know my luck and I know that it's pulled through for me in the past.

Education on the other hand, has not been so lucky. When I enrolled for classes my job would not be flexible to my schedule, so I had to find what classes would bend around a work schedule, but that sadly did not work to my advantage. I went to school early and worked until late, so when I got outta work I was awake mentally despite being physically fatigued. So I couldn't sleep at night.

However it has been a good game so far. I've moved out of a shitty apartment and am now one of those home owners on the border of urbanation and surburbia. I've yet to introduce myself to my neighbors but I'll start slow seeing as how I got priorities. One thing I would like to mention is that I did end up pulling a student loan so now I have that "emergency money" I was counting on for my in between job times. however money is going to be even tighter than it was once before while I was transitioning from my apartment to my home.

Details on that I can happily provide. My job was going through a difficult situation, being a call center we got "files" that were numbers we had to call, once we ran out we were sent home, now it is a good thing for a company that is based around customer service to not get these files in mass, but at the same time when we did not get these files we could not take home our days worth of bread.

So when the files stopped coming for a time more people were sent home or called not to have to show up, and to make it fair for everyone they kinda rotated names but essentially you worked only 4 days a week.

Being a job that barely paid anything I had to deal with some bills being covered by my room mate or even skipping the month in the hope that when I paid the next the late fee wouldn't be too bad....and it did.

Credit card skyrocketed quickly and the financial stress involved caused me to ignore or lash out at the people I cared about, my exgirlfriend being one of them at the time. While I struggled to pay off the 200+ bills for the credit card and bringing home a biweekly paycheck of $400-$500 with, rent, gas, power, grocery, internet, phone, and car insurance. I was caught with my pants down, and eventually had an emotional breakdown at work in front of my boss. If I've ever been embarrassed of one moment in my life it was that.

However, in this time chance provided me an epiphany when I was out having lunch with my family. My dad called me to have lunch with him, my siblings, and my grandparents while everyone was in the city for the day. Some how the conversation took a turn to what I had been hiding from them all until then. My dad spoke words to me that I'll admit still cause me to tear up while remembering them.

I'd like to pause here momentarily to give some background on my dad. When my parents divorced back in 1999, my siblings and I were bounced between parents every two years. My dad was still in college at this time, so he now had even more responsibility put on him to hold a full time job, full time school, while raising us and making sure our school work was not in jeapordy. Sleep was almost as nonexistant as it is for me now adays, if not more. Eventually this landed my dad a job as a project manager for DHL in our area. We eventually were able to afford a house and lived there from when I was a junior in High School, to about a year after I graduated. However when DHL announced that they were pulling out all their American facilities except for a few key places (DHL being European based) My dad was one of the many who was going to lose his job.

Back to the story, he told me: "Dorian, in about three weeks I'm going to be unemployed, I have no savings (I kinda emptied it because my dad had helped me with ANOTHER car repair bill), I pay more than you pay for rent, Car Insurance, Power, Gas, and I also have to take care of your brother. So while I understand you have to deal with financial issues because you are new to them, you also have to remember that some people are potentially worse off. While I have these obstacles, and worries in mind about how am I going to pay for everything I am remembering one thing at the moment." He then asked, "Who do you see around you?"

I replied, "Family."

He continued, "That's right. The people I care about most in my life are with me right now. We are together enjoying eachother's company, and you all are the reason that makes these worries mundane and trivial. With you all here I know I will see myself through this, just like I know you will do the same. Count what blessings you have. You have us, a new home you'll be moving into, your girlfriend (we had not broken up yet), and you will be starting school in a few months."

What he said that day was as true then as it is to me now, and while there was a period of Depression when my ex decided to leave me high and dry because of our ... disagreements, the support of friends and family reminded me that the world is not gonna end for some time, at least until the first reported outbreak of the zombie infestation. At that point we are all fucked. Anyway, I guess what I was merely trying to share to people on this whimsical rant, was count the little things when the tide of stress has decided to come up to your head again and again.

I know I am, and maybe it will be enough for luck to put me at the right place at the right time like it has done time and time again.

But it is 3 am and I gotta get to work on time tomorrow so I can finish the week on a good foot since my supervisors like me.

So with that I bid you all arrive derci.